Dandruff – Preface

It’s the preface for a story that I wrote a year back 🙂

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Edison discovered dandruff. 

It is possible to believe that because he had found so many things. However, there is another strong theory that the cause of dandruff is directly related to a cosmic explosion that happened 210 million years ago. The explosion, so intense, had seemingly released stinking gases in the space that later fogged down to every planet; and dwarf planets too. Then they condensed, rained, and started flowing like wild rivers across lands nourishing the herbs and shrubs, especially the edible ones. Reports now say that apparently all the plants in the world contain a dark side like human beings do. That dark side is loaded with the noxious substances responsible for dandruff, and is unveiled when we consume them. This theory, also known as “The Dark Side Crisis” is unproved and unpatented yet, as it was thought just a couple of minutes ago by someone who is certainly not an Edison. 

Coming to the point, I always believe that dandruff is pride. Both go before a fall, don’t they? Emphasis is on hair fall here. Now, there is a big opposition party for this statement. And they make sense by opposing it. In reality, nobody likes dandruff. They think dandruff, they think scratching. They think scratching, they think hair fall. They think hair fall, they think shoulders. They see shoulders, they droop them in frustration. Frustration disrupts the mind. Then they lose hope, confidence, motivation, self-esteem, and will power. In turn, they lose analytical skills, communication skills, leadership skills, goal-setting skills and that all-important skill on the X-axis marked against something on the Y-axis in the skill assessment charts. 

In short, they think misery. 

It is ok if one or two persons lose the above -mentioned things. We can declare them insane and quarantine them in an asylum for an indefinite period. However, what happens when every one of us is affected by dandruff. It becomes a clear case of national emergency. 

This situation is being proactively dealt by the big players in the skin care industry. Day after day, they keep pumping out products that are supposed to eliminate dandruff at a rapid pace. They not only eliminate dandruff but also add beauty and shine to the hair. But that holds good only if something remains on the head after the elimination process. Nevertheless, the ‘beauty and shine’ factor catches the eye of a common buyer. It is a little something extra just like when you get your pizza with a microscopic can of cheese dip. 

Nowadays, the amount of research that goes into the marketing strategies for these products is quite appalling. First, they analyze the state of the sufferers through a rough census. That will be in the form of making them feel more miserable by asking if they have any of the following, 

1.    Damaged hair with dry and itchy scalp 
2.    Oily, frizzy hair with ultra sensitive, flaky scalp 
3.    Dull hair with severely built dandruff nest 

The sufferer instantly becomes a buyer of the product on reading the above points. 

Next is all about creating sensation through ads to bring buyers who believe in glamour. That is where the beauty and shine factor comes into picture. They show the models with silk and shiny hair swishing it deliberately when they walk, talk, or stalk. It is ok for women who, after using the product, can swish their hair just to show what a great success the buy is. But for men who have been fighting hair fall, the scope is minimal. 

Then they draw more buyers using the keywords ‘Desperation’ and ‘Fear’. Due to lack of patience and hair, buyers want urgent solutions. So they step into a shop and pick the bottle even after knowing the reputation of the company. That takes care of the desperation part. Now for the fear part, conditioners and shampoos are like a couple. You buy the shampoo; you are advised to buy the conditioner as well. Then you are warned that a conditioner from another brand would result only in excessive corrosion of the scalp or sudden breakage. 

The final nail on the coffin comes with the stickers on the shampoo bottles. Using chemical jargons like ‘PH balance tested’ will hint the buyer about the rigorous certification process the product might have undergone. So the buyers believe that those companies show true concern on their customers. Next, they say that the product does aromatherapy. Yes, your hair smells like a fresh pulpy fruit after bath. Though the fruity smell on your hair is highly risky, especially when standing near an insanely hungry person, buyers tend to go for it. Buyers go for anything fancy unless they see the most important item in the ingredients list, which in this case is coal tar. 

Sooner or later, dandruff might become the most searched word in the Google history because of the volume of sufferers. World might slip from recession to depression in just a snap of a finger or a scratch on the scalp. Economists might deny that dandruff can be solely responsible for that phenomenon. But they have to surrender to an alarming fact that in an era, where people get depressed when there is no coffee in the pot dandruff is certainly a killer depressor. 

We have started being so cynical that we see only the downside of dandruff problems. Remember, the world will call you a noble soul only when you find love in hatred. You have to tell the magic words, “It’s all for good!” 

So let us discuss how dandruff works in your favor. 

The pleasure when you scratch your head is almost intoxicating. Dandruff is thoroughly responsible for that. It will make you search for those sweet spots on the scalp so that you could sharpen your nails and start scratching them like it is the end of the world. So, forget the long-term destruction that dandruff is bound to create and enjoy the short-term pleasure of scratching it off. Dandruff can make you look like genius especially when you sit in a library with a book in your hand. When you keep scratching your head, you might be seen as someone thinking very hard. You can enjoy the luxury of such opinions for a while. However, at the end of the day, it is your moral responsibility to reach out to them and tell that you are not used to what they think of you. 

Since dandruff is officially the most hated word now, its purpose is very much solved. It is something you want to flake out of your life at any cost but you cannot. It can irk you in any form. It can be so much as a single white flake that drops on your shoulder ever so beautifully, or it can be a person who sits next to you and overhears your personal conversations in the phone. It can be a road hog driving a fat truck at snail’s pace ahead of you on a highway. It can be your friend who makes you nervous by slurping aloud through the straw while sucking the last few drops of a milkshake. It can be an attendant in a retail store who follows you to every nook and corner like he is going to propose or it can be the one behind you in a queue tapping your shoulder every minute, asking if they provide a free coupon for an extra egg. This preface is purely based on chaos theory. So it is better to end before it leads to your wallet being stolen tomorrow. 


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2 COMMENTS

  1. Balakumaran K | 17th Oct 10

    This is one of the most loveable stories of yours..Please finish it..

  2. K Praveen | 17th Oct 10

    will do that for sure 🙂

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